I Quit Being a Web Designer with Mental Illness and how it changed my life

Besides being a peer specialist, I do web design. I was a little bummed on Friday because there was a lame attempt from a competitor to link this blog to my business. They get CLASS A SCUM ratings from me as that’s dirty and it’s low, and without any class. Soooo am considering moving the Mentalhope blog for that reason.  It has nothing to do with my world view on mental illness, but the stigma that still exist perpetuated from dredges like this in our society, and there’s more.

For years I wore a label on my chest proudly. A label that said I have Mental Illness. The label that said “treat me differently”, treat me special”, “walk on egg shells”.  But one day I got really really sick. Sick to death of wearing that label of stigma and I ripped it off my chest, and instantly in a split-second I became a citizen. A citizen of Nebraska, and these United States.

At first it was hard not wearing that label. That means that judgments of me was based on just being a person, and when something happened that stressed me, I couldn’t fall back on that excuse that said “you have mental illness, don’t they understand?”

Some of my web design clients may think I have eccentricities(like obsession with web design :p), but none has ever accused me of a having mental illness(even though it might show), and I have never been fired by a client, not a single one. I have had many good conversations with them though, and most seem to be proud to have me work with them.

I’m the best in my field because of my recovery. I have done something my competition will never be able to do. I have waited on a bus in the cold after hearing voices all night and went to meet my therapist.  Every ounce of my being told me to give up while I waited on that bus. Rushing through my head was my past pain from the “big lie” of stigma, but I got on that bus. On that day, I was doing what 95% that the population of this country could not or would do including my competitors in web design. I was in recovery, and at that moment I was not trying to be the best, I was the best. I put my heart and soul into my work and it’s not building a great website that will define who I am, but those moments.

I ‘m not a web designer with mental illness, but just a web designer that’s the best in the industry, and this is what I do.

PS: the Mentalhope project will eventually be back on the rails. I have just been too busy with my work as a peer specialist and building websites.

Keep it Real,

Keep it True,

Rod

How to become a Peer Specialist(Peer Support Specialist)

I get ask very often how does someone become a Peer Support Specialist? Depending on your state, usually it requires a certification, and some classes.

If that’s all you think that’s required, you’re wrong. Let’s look at some of the Peer Specialist misconceptions:

1. I’m a clinician therefore my peers are below me, and can direct them toward their recovery. **WRONG** You are connecting with other peers on the SAME level while learning and growing together, PERIOD. Anyone that thinks that becoming a peer specialist puts them at the top of the food chain is not only going to be a poor peer specialist, but a poor clinician as well .
2. Becoming a Peer Specialist gives me a license to behave in any manor without repercussions. **WRONG** Being a peer specialist means behaving in a way that’s ethical and will do no harm to other peers(by no harm includes verbal). I like what one of my peers told me one time. If a story about a situation was printed in the local newspaper, how would it look to the public?
3. Boundaries for peer specialist only include not having sex with the patient. **WRONG** Most facilities have guidelines on how long some has to be discharged under your care before you can interact with that person on any level outside of the facility. My rule of thumb is I never engage in personal relationships after they have been under my care. The reason for this decision is because of the real possibility that the person will be under my care in the future, and I CAN NOT  give them care if I have ANY type of personal relationship with them.

Keep it real | Keep it true

Rod

Looking for an Old Friend of Mentalhope…Where is Asanah???

Over the past couple of weeks, I was rummaging through literally hundreds of files from the old Mentalhope project, and I came across a page from someone that become dear to me. Her name is Asanah. She was working on a website and was in recovery, but when she shared her story to be published on the Mentalhope website, it was riveting. On her website that is now defunct, it told even more of an amazing story that truly demonstrated what recovery was. At one point, I had published some of her artwork, but she ask me to take it down because it was such a very graphic portrayal of her recent years, and she didn’t want to be a trigger for someone else. The last time I had contact was about 4 years ago over the phone, and she had several projects going. It made me smile a little more that day.

This is her story as published by Mentalhope.com in 2006:

Asanah’s Story:

It’s not only the mom with post-partum depression, the chronic drug user, someone with a history of psychological problems or the homeless guy on the streets who experiences a mental illness. There might be more of us who don’t necessarily fit the profile for mental illness who now have a story to tell. I was 30 single and active in life when I had first experienced a mental breakdown. Nowadays most people definitely realize that life can be a juggling act. Things included are relationships, work, school, and home. Sometimes it can be the inability to digest hurtful or disappointing events that life will throw you ie. loss of a job, crimes of the heart or health issues. These can destroy a person’s everything. Burning the candle at both ends for a prolonged period of time can sometimes be a recipe for disaster. After a 3-week hospitalization in May 2005, I began to stabilize. This allowed me to finish my thesis, graduate with my Master’s, work full time and live med free. There is no formula for recovery but hopefully we can gain some insight and perspective on an issue that is becoming more common. My goal was to reach out and encourage others so
psychotic minds came about.

Stress and depression definitely played a role. My mind was filled with hallucinations and delusions that seemed completely unrelated. They left me disorganized in speech and thought. It would take time trying to articulate the events and experiences surrounding my breakdown. The large
collage shows what it is like to experience non drug related psychosis(removed at Asanah’s request). It details the themes and images that stuck in my mind. I believed that everyone’s story was playing somewhere in the world…whether in the news, in the movies or on stage. I had clearly located my story in the image to the left. It was the catatonic behavior that caused me to land in the psyche ward. Shortly after my hospitalization, I began to rehabilitate myself by taking some drawing classes and with the help of a graphic artist I was able to bring my portraits to life. I’ve managed to make a few lifestyle changes and have been healing every since.

<——————————————end story————————————————–>

Asanah, if you find this post, comment and I will send you my email. I want you to know that I still think of you, and your work in the community. Agape love and positive thoughts to you dear friend, and may your path be pleasant.

Keep it Real, Keep it True

Rod

Recovery – You Can’t Hide from Who You Are…and Mentalhope.com is coming back….

Today I was at the Nebraska State Mental Health Conference where I did what enjoy best…talk to my peers and drink coffee. Doesn’t sound productive, but it was because it reminds me of my roots, and I exchanged hugs with my brothers and sisters whom many I care for very much..I don’t do social settings well. Never have, but today I was reminded of how the recovery thing started to begin with.

I told someone one time I wanted to build 2 websites. One of those dedicated to recovery from mental illness and the other offering hope to people of any religion who had been hurt by tragedy. Godhope.com and Mentalhope.com was born. Little did I know that what I thought would be cool would become an intriguing challenge. Little did I know it would become my life’s mission. I always loved and still love the concept of Mentalhope. Hope and Recovery from mental illness. It may even be the love of my life. Unfortunately, because of some evil doer’s, Mentalhope was taken down…and has been missing from the landscape of the internet.

I decided today it was time to bring my baby back to life. Mentalhope is returning and this time I’m going for gold. I’m loading language packs for several countries…as for what my plans are, it’s top secret right now, but soon I will talk about it more.

Be well my friends-
Keep it real, keep it true~

Rod

PS: If you want to blog on Mentalhope, shoot me an email.

Recovery and Support Systems Revisited – We’re Walking in the Land of Giants

Sorry about the title. It sounds, well, a little Charlie Sheenish(I can’t even begin to wrap my head around what this guy does), but support systems are a vital part of most recoveries. A question that I’m ask a lot is where the heck do supporters come from? Do they just pop out of the woodwork?

I clearly see 2 models for developing support systems and would like to talk about both. Each model has benefits, but as with most decisions envolving our recovery, we are in charge of making those decisions, and each has their pitfalls.

The first model is where relationships develop quickly. Sometimes this happens in a hospital, a bar, or a happenstance meeting. In many cases, these relationships(in the area of mental health and addiction) support does not have good outcomes because they lack substance, are superficial, but many of my peers assume if someone “likes” me, and they know I have mental illness or an addiction, it means they should be in my life, and we can help each other, right? Well, in most cases, I find if your supporter does not have an understanding of the disease, they will provide no support or worse, they will actually become a trigger for you.

The second model is using support groups. Most of my support system are mental health peers that are in recovery from mental illness, an addiction, or both. You visit a support group for a couple of months, and you see the same person showing up over and over again. First, if this person is attending on a regular basis, you know the are serious about their recovery, and maybe after the meeting, you can go up to that person, and ask them if they want to go out for coffee. Oh, just to rant, this is not permission to use a new method to “hook up”..this is about finding those people that are peers that will give you positive support for your recovery. As a peer that is serious with their own recovery, they are very likely to understand where you are coming from and provide reciprocal support(support that goes both ways) and give you encouragement, motivation, and strength. Keep in mind that sometimes they’re “uncool” people at support groups too, and use all the trust models and safe rules that you normally use when meeting someone new.

Where do you find support groups. Besides AA, NA, Crystal Meth Anonymous, there are several mental health support groups. I would recommend contacting the NAMI affiliate(http://nami.org) in your area for more information on support groups.

Again, most of my supporters are peers, and we that support and believe in each other. Having positive support makes the rainy days not so rainy, and gives us fuel for the soul, and reaching our personal goals(!important!).

Keep it Rocking Brothers and Sisters,

Rod

The most inspirational words I ever heard: This is day one – God grant me the serenity….

Have you ever look for facebook pages of old friends just to see what they are doing these days? Once in a while, I look up an old co-worker, school buddy, and sometimes make contact, and sometimes not.

I recently visited a facebook page on someone who I had not heard from in a long time, but really was not close to. I worked with them in the corporate world and rumors had surfaced that they smoked crack. Dealing with major changes in my own life including being transferred to a town called Omaha, I lost contact with them, and at that time understood little about addictions. When I first saw their page, I was a little mortified. At one point, this person was on the fast track to becoming an operations manager and moving up in a corporate world that an attractive clarity, and now there I saw her picture wearing what looked to be a worn out dress, and standing in front of a clinical facility. On her wall, she had: “This is day one- I have been clean for 24 hours, God grant me the serenity…”

I realized it was time to kick my own butt because my thoughts was sooo shallow, and as with most things about recovery, the story was deeper than on the surface. I realized that after 17 years, this person had the courage to take another leap, probably failed 100 times, and may have been looked down upon, and had previously lost hope. You know, the dress didn’t matter, and what other people thought, she probably doesn’t give a tinkers damn about that compared to what become her mission that day. It doesn’t matter because she has a MEETING to go to- not for a chip, or a passive pat on the back, but because she was brave enough to say to the world with one resounding voice, I AM IN RECOVERY AND THIS TIME I WILL DO IT. What a fearless courageous thing, and deserves as much respect as anyone who just got a degree, or has a successful business, or any other great success. She is doing at this time what 90% of the general population could not, or would not do. She is in recovery, and it rocked to see someone step up to the plate, and on this day she is not trying to be the best– SHE IS THE BEST.

Keep it real my friends,

Rod

Recovery for the Chronically Mentally Ill is Possible Sometimes and a Little More about Me

Warning before your read: This post discusses some abuse and profanity, and if this is a trigger for you, consult your doctor and read only with a supporter.

Some people look at me and say things like “they’re really sick” and not like you are. To be honest, they don’t know my history, and it it makes me throw up a little when people can only see an outcome even after you tell them.

I grew up in a city. I never went out that much other than preschool and elementary school, and not until I had better understood child abuse, it didn’t always make a lot of sense. When I was young, even has far back as I could remember, I had nightmares almost every night and when I tried to take a bath, my mother would turn off the bathroom light..and change her voice to a scary tone(not like playing scary, but a deep changed voice demon exorcist scary)  and tell me that she was going to get me. She would come in the bathroom while it was pitch black and growl. When I was seven, she tried to drown me in that same bathtub and told me if I ever told anyone, she would make sure it happened the next time. While this was going on, my father would get me out of bed after he was home from driving a truck at anywhere from 1AM to whenever in the morning, and make me wash walls that sometimes were clean, but would hit me in the head if he saw dirt that didn’t exist. And I remember when my parents was trying to explain my broken rib to the hospital, and when my mother pushed me into a fight with the class bully, and she watched as he beat me in the head with a rock until it fractured my skull. My life also included sexual abuse.

At age 8 I moved to the country, but didn’t fit into school, or even life at that point. They still isolated me from the world, I would disassociate for hours when home, and of course at school also.

I am sharing a small part of my childhood because maybe it was time to blog this subject, but also to show where the seeds of my mental illness was planted.

When I was 14 year old, and every few weeks I had explainable bouts of crying and eventually saw a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with being psycho-neurotic and major depression, and hospitalized for the first time. Having symptoms including psychosis continued until I was in my late 20′s and the world around me began to change. I thought it was an evil entity that would destroy me  and I could then stay up for days, live on practically no food, and had the most indescribable horrible delusions on the face of the planet(for me). This continued through jobs, a marriage(btw, she left and took my child, she showed great wisdom with this because I was so sick), I then ended up at an investment company in Omaha, and I stayed in hypo-mania, driving me to a really good salary because I worked primarily by myself, and everyone couldn’t see when I displayed symptoms.”They’ were after me, and at one point even hired a private investigator to find ‘them’. And the fucking voices were real, right?(my thoughts at the time)

In 1998, I was so psychotic, I had no other choice but to go into the hospital for the first time as an adult. My boss flew in from Tempe, AZ because I was running the company while he was gone. He fired me on the spot. In the world I lived in, I thought buildings had ‘sprayers’ built into them and I was constantly being covered by chemicals. To me, I was being  followed around the clock, and anyone could be an agent for ‘them’. I remember screaming while crying that Jesus Christ didn’t feel this pain when he was crucified. And yes, ‘they’ would come in my sleep and harm me(so I didn’t sleep.). My hair including my bangs had grown down to my waist by this time and I kept it in front of my face. When I went into the state hospital, I had ECT’s and several other treatments. The sun was setting on my life in front of my own eyes.

To fast forward, in 2005, I was walking down the hall with a man from a long-term hospital. I ask him what time was I suppose to be in bed. In a slightly broken accent, he said words I had never thought of before. He said, “Rodney, recovery is about freedom and about choice…”. Recovery? What the hell was he talking about? Freedom? You lose your freedom because you are chained to medications and being in the system, right??? I knew that all the worlds of delusion and the medical model had to be left behind because I could no longer survive in those in those dark places.

Folks, recovery for me is accepting I have a life-long illness like high blood pressure or heart disease. And recovery is about freedom, and it’s not necessarily about symptom relief( that’s still very important though), but it’s about your happiness with the life you have. It’s called life satisfaction. It’s gold and the best drug in the world(and no, it does not replace your meds:)).

Now you will have to excuse me. I’m running late for a business meeting to get some return(not always monetary) for this investment in recovery,…and getting to live my life.

Keeping it real, and may your day be as well as mine today,

Rod

Add: this was the first time I ever discussed my childhood history publicly. I guess it was time.:)

Recovery Smuvery, why the heck do it? pfffft!

Sometimes I ask myself that question. I mean isn’t it easier to make “the system” wait on you? You can do whatever you want to without responsibility because we are mentally ill, right? Why recover? Why do we risk all this security and expend all this energy for what?

…and my great answer is!! It’s your own reasons, and I really no right to impose any beliefs on you, but I will tell you my take.

I recover because I got sick? Sick of being in the shadow of my illness, and afraid of “going for it”. I got sick. Sick of the label that’s sown to our chest that says “I have mental illness first, and am human last”….and I got sick to death of the people that don’t have a single clue stuck in the medical model can only see symptoms and not recovery. One day I decided to rip that patch off my chest, and quit the “I am mentally ill dance”.  A Shawsank moment(!), and at that split second, I stopped being a man with mental illness, but just a man. Instead of a mentally ill man, I became a Citizen of Nebraska and these United States.

So why recover? We deserve medals because on those days we are fighting for recovery,and we are probably doing what 90% of the general population of this country could not or would not do.

So why recover? Some might do it for their children. Some might do it for family. Some might do it so they can hook up with a date easier.

I recover because of something called life satisfaction. It’s when I feel so in balance with myself, and have a calm mind and straight thinking.  It’s when you are happy about life in general. When you can reach for goals and hit the mark. For me, it’s pure gold.

There are sacrifices with recovery though. You might have to give up some things you call dear, and frankly, some of those are damn scary.

I can’t tell you why to recover because it’s your path and not mine. You have to search your heart, but if it’s any solace, I think it’s worth the fight.

Keeping it real always,

Rod–

Mental Illness and Addicts – Have you climbed the 100 foot wall today?

Truly a good life. In the last two years, I had a chance to work with the homeless, get my day job going, do the peer specialist thing, and have some fun relationships. People sometimes tell me what a great recovery I have because of these things. Well, guess what? I don’t feel these have a single thing to do with my recovery, but are only a result if that. In the grand scheme of recovery, it doesn’t mean anything. Look at famous stars in the news. They have it all and then blow it(or rather snort it) and think that’s success until they fall.

What’s climbing the 100 foot wall? True recovery moments is like when one of my peers are getting on a bus today. They have waited in the freezing cold for that damn bus, and they are going to get on with their clothes possibly sticking to them because they don’t have any place to wash them. The people on that bus might look down on them because they are disheveled. You know what? It’s not going to stop them because they are going to a meeting(AA, NA, Peer Support, etc.) . They may get a chip or a pat on the back by a therapist,  but that’s about it. And you know what else?  They will do it again tomorrow. If that’s not recovery, I don’t know what it is. They climbed that wall and won.

When I have recovery moments, it’s usually about facing the fears of my paranoia, getting support from my peers even though isolation has become my friend(and I’m afraid), medication assistance, or seeing one of the awesome clinicians that have been in my life for years. I’m scared in many cases of the changes necessary to keep me well, but most(not all) of the time I make the right choice. That’s my recovery moment, and at that moment, I am bonded with the thousands of peers across the nation who also maintain successful recoveries.

Are you at one of those recovery moments? Is it a moment for you to go for additional support, take your medication, try something new to help your recovery? Scary stuff, huh? If it helps, remember your not alone, and thoughts from many, many, many other peers are hoping you will succeed. I hope you make the right choice, but it’s your choice and no others. Be well my brothers and sisters, and I look forward to reading your success stories on NET.

Keep it real,

Keep it true,

Rod

Mental Health Peer Support Specialist Do’s and Don’ts

Hi, I’m Rod. I’m a Peer Support Specialist. What is a Peer Support Specialist? They provide support from a peer point of view. What is a peer? A peer is someone that has mental illness or an addiction, or both. In my case I have schizoaffective disorder. That’s a combination of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder combined. That means I hear things and see things. Some days I feel like superman, and other times I don’t want to get out of bed. But I’m in recovery. That doesn’t mean my problems are solved, but I look at the world in a different way.

The above is part of how I introduce myself to my peers when doing WRAP training(Wellness Recovery Action Plan). I have done this for over four years now and completed over 250 groups. I’m lucky to have the experience of doing these groups, support of my peers, and community support from the National Alliance on Mental Illness(NAMI).

Over these past few years I have learned some things that give me a clear path and keeps me going at this job. I want to some of these thing with you.

1. Always stay on the reservation – That means when you become a peer support specialist, your training is totally inclusive for your job and it’s not the time to “experiment” with interactions of your peers. For example, I could go into a female patient’s room and let her head rest on my shoulder while she cried, stroke her hair, and tell her that it will be ok. The next day I am a hero! The patient is doing great until she informs everyone that I’m her savior and we are settling down together and having children. Just don’t go there. Remember, you have to maintain a therapeutic model and even if the non-standard interaction is fake(also unethical), it will do harm.
2. Maintain Boundaries - Remember you aren’t a professional friend in mental health, but a friendly professional. Your good judgment with peers is a determining f actor in their mental health or addiction recovery. Keep your personal bubble, but that does not mean you can’t share your experience. I have personally known peers that have actively looked for relationships from providing peer support. They have a term for this in our society. It’s called a predator. Beyond that(like it needs to be), there are those still stuck in the medical model and will rejoice in a PS failing so they can say “see, they can’t work in the mental health field”.
3. Your Recovery is more important than being a Peer Support Specialist – Don’t depreciate your own recovery to do this job. Your recovery has to be above your family, friends, children, and job. If you don’t have recovery then who can you help? If for any reason, your job is making you have a mental crash, melt down, smoke crack, pot, drink alcohol, hear things, cry, or run down the road in your underwear then you probably want to examine your WRAP plan, and go on leave, or quit, until your recovery is in a place to do the job. Maybe it’s also possible that being a peer specialist is not your path in life. That’s ok too.
4. You have 2 sets of Mental Health Peers – One set are your peers that you service and your other set is your co-workers. Treat them with the same dignity and respect as any peer, but you must maintain professional boundaries with them also. Never devalue your work as less than any other on the treatment team.
5. Treat your peers that are friends like friends – Just because you are a peer support specialist, it does not mean you have reached the pinnacle of your recovery. Back off your high horse and remember friends that are peers are precious to your recovery. I sure would not want my job 24 hours a day or I would end up in the hospital. Don’t think you can solve everyone’s problem now because that’s not the way to do this job to start with, and you can get burned out in the mental health field fast. We do this because it helps people solve their own problems.

I really wanted to share this with the recovering addicts and mental health peers that are considering this job. These are some of the “big ones” to keep in mind. The most important thing is your own recovery and don’t lose focus on that. Being a peer support specialist does mean you have an opportunity to give hope to someone, and hope is the greatest fuel for recovery from any illness  known to man.

Always remember as any mental health care professional: First, do no harm.

Keep it Real,

Keep it True,

Rod

PS: When will Mentalhope.com return? One day, promise.

The Road to Recovery Keeps Going and if you have Stigma, Bye Bye!

I have developed my recovery plan using things like WRAP, wellness tools, and good support systems,.. and guess what? It worked, and has worked now for 5 years.

Today is a new day for me. It’s been a long road, traveled by so many of my peers. The struggle has been great over the years, but now I am going back into a world I left 12 years ago.  Why does all that crap mean? It means that in my own life I can love others, love myself, and be confident that I am an asset to society instead of a burden perpetuated by the stigma of being mentally ill. Today is a new dawn.

If you read my post on here, I focused more on the positive things about my recovery instead of everything in my life. I have been married twice, the mother website for this blog was hacked, had several surgeries, had to give up my cat because of allergies, stolen from, etc.

But you know what? It doesn’t even matter.  The thought I had when I started the Mentalhope site is still there. Hope and Recovery from mental illness. When you have something like recovery in your life, you want to share it with the world, and I did a tiny bit with Mentalhope.

I was down today after feeling bad physically, and just happened to start reading the Mentalhope blog and how those things I had blogged about over the past few years are true in my life, and how I grew not only in my recovery, but who I am as a person.

PS: Mentalhope is not gone, and will return back to the landscape of the NET one day, promise.

But the motto of Mentalhope is still true, to all my peers online, and offline, “We Stand Strong as One.”

keep it real, and keep it true

What is Peer Support and Why Do We Need it?

I was thinking back recently on my role as a peer support specialist and its definition. When I started in the role, I researched it and I wasn’t really able to find a clear definition on the web. This was frustrating. After nine months and additional education, I thought I would share my thoughts on this role, why it exist, and most important, why it helps.

Peer Support was born out of a shift from a medical model of treatment to a recovery model for those who suffer mental illness and substance abuse. To understand this, we have to define the difference in the medical model and the recovery model.

The Medical Model is a supportive model when it comes to addressing symptoms. The patient has symptoms and medication is adjusted and additional therapy is offered until symptoms subside. The medical model definition of recovery or wellness is the patient no longer has symptoms so severe that it requires hospitalization or additional treatment. Now their is a problem with the medical model. Myself and many of my peers believe a definition of recovery is a appropriate satisfactory contentment in life(there’s more, but this is put into a very short sentence).

When I have recovery, I manage my symptoms better. So when questions are raised and emphasis is on how the patient will reintegrate back into society, the workforce, have better relationships, and self-manage stress is their environment, the medical model ask only “is the patient having symptoms?”.

The recovery model attempts to answer these other aspects that are just as vital to mental wellness and it is a closer definition than the medical model for me and many of my peers as to what recovery is. Components of the medical model are always a must for recovery, but the recovery model increases the ability to self-regulate and increases overall quality of life for myself and many of my peers.

That’s where we fit in as peer specialist. To understand what it is that we do takes me back to a time and another place in my life, not with a peer, but with a doctor(what?!).

The year was 2000 and I had just been released from the Norfolk regional center. My psychiatrist was a excellent. He was one of those doctors that you see and say to yourself “he is in the zone”. Patients loved him, staff loved him because he was so effective. At that time in my life, what gave me some relief from my symptoms was studying math and astrophysics. After a couple of visits, something happened that I couldn’t have dreamed of. My doctor told me astrophysics was also one of his hobbies! So when we had our weekly sessions, we discussed things time travel, black holes, and gravitation. For the brief period of time in his office I no longer had delusions, depression, the trauma from the loss of my old life, we were just 2 people talking(wow). I noticed that this feeling of wellness didn’t always leave when I walked out of his office, but would stay with me for a few days. He knew I was very sick and we would discuss meds and symptoms for short periods, but the focus was on something awesome. It was mutuality. Mutuality, the ability to relate to shared experiences of others.

Peers provide mutuality to the patient on a cognitive level of support and shared experiences that can also provide motivation and hope. Questions are answered on everything from our past recovery to starting a blog. Our role includes family sessions where explaining our experience with treatments that apply to us and doctor consultations where we can answer questions and share our insight on treatment. We also offer our views to coworkers without mental illness to assist them with their job.

The peer specialist position requires work and dedication. It is a calling for those of us who gains recovery by providing hope to others and reaching out in this way. Our duty is not only to our patients, but a general responsibility to promote wellness, advocacy, and recovery to those who encounter us in our role.

Keep it real, keep it true,

Rod

www.mentalhope.com

Being a Social Butterfly in the Mental Health System

When I was working before my “crash”, I made a decent salary I worked in a really tough business. I thought I had seen the worst of society. but realized that just wasn’t the case . Recently I had a conversation with a peer who was domineering, arrogant, and demeaning. While this is not only a statement regarding there character, the sad truth is that many are already experiencing those relationships from there families and friends and they don’t need an additional stress from a peer. While keeping in mind each path to recovery is different, part of recovery is remembering your own roots and struggles are faced by others and if it feels good for them when they think they have reached the top of the food chain, they are not only hurting others, they are delusional.

In my personal experience I have found in many cases the most down to earth people are the most successful at their job and at life like presidents and owners of large companies. While the many others can be extremely kind and are good people, some just struggle and feed their own egos to no one’s muse but their own.

The challenge I put before you today: If you’re in recovery, are you a “bottom feeder” or are you willing willing to go that extra mile to help others? Because at the end of the day, mental illness is a war and when we help each other, don’t we really help ourselves?

Keep it Real, Keep it True

Rod

www.mentalhope.com | rod@mentalhope.com | rss: http://rss.mentalhope.com

A Good Day of Mental Health: Support Systems in Action

A couple of months ago I had lost a widget. You know that thing that is valuable to you and you need to always know where it’s at to maintain happiness in life. My widget is gone! It was depressing and all sorts of thoughts rushed through my head.

In recent years I have had a lot of different support systems, most negative. Why were they negative?They were dishonest, manipulative, and sometimes just mean. In the past my support systems may have just made fun of my situation, told me just to get over it, or worse, tried to feed into my paranoia to have greater control of my life. That was before I learned how to set up a positive support system( more info is on www.mentalhope.com link: support systems).

So I called my shinny new support system(based on positive models) and told them about my problem expecting the same ‘ol response or a few words on encouragement and “it will be ok” pat on the back kinda’ thing(sometimes it’s good to hear that to), but I was WRONG!!

Within one day, 2 people out of my support system was turning my apartment upside down helping me to find my widget. They didn’t question my suspicions nor criticize me for my feelings. That didn’t care about finding my widget. They only had one agenda in mind. My well being. Within 1 hr they found what I had lost. The discovery that I had made was about wise decisions on who to let into my life and showed to be even a greater value than my widget and it’s something I hope I will never lose.

Keep it Real, Keep it True,

Rod

www.Mentalhope.com | rod@mentalhope.com | rss: http://rss.mentalhope.com

Hot Breaking News from the Mentalhope News Room or My Cat is Driving Me Nuts!!!

Mentalhope.com Hope and Recovery from Mental Illness.

As I sit here watching Winston gleefully playing in my paperwork which he does so with his masterful ability to randomize my organization on a level that you can only appreciate, I am blogging on a few new things added/changed to the Mentalhope site.

When the site first under went contruction, I was a little manic. I thought it would be up in a couple of weeks. That was Oct, 2006. Those of you who have mania can relate? The site started up and looked like crap. After the mania past, I thought I will just find some content from another site and cut and paste, do some visuals, and call it a day. I couldn’t do that in good conscious though. So the search began and a criteria developed for the site.

The things I thought the site should be were:

1) Unique content. Things that are at the base of recovery, but from a different perspective.

2) Easy to navigate. I know when I have been on higher doses of drugs and go to a complex site, I got frustratied and would move on to more inportant things like playing solitaire.

3) Interactive. A place to share that will respond and show respect to those who visit the site. A place to share and support not only folks in Omaha, but anywhere in the world.

4) Visually attractive. Nice but not so many bells and whistles that it takes forever and a day to load. 

The outcome is now thanks to you. You can see to some extent in this site my norm, mania, paranoia, and depression. Does this site belong to me? No. And it never will. It belongs to us. You and me. If you have any suggestions, I will listen. If you ever want to contribute, the door is open. If you want to tell your story, you will have your own page. I never had some lofty goal of doing a website. I just got the most precious gift in the world in that of recovery and hope and wanted to share it with the world. I mean even people without mental illness gets a hold of something that is good and they want to share it.

Some of the things we are adding on to the Mentalhope site is community pages to post mental health community events in your town. We are also adding a warm line if you just need to talk. I got the idea from the Spring Center here in Omaha where they have a telephone warm line. A chat room is also being added as well as a fun and games section.

In other breaking news: Winston is going to group therapy with me today. He is shy, but he likes to meet people and pet therapy is always nice. I am going to the park today. I need to get out of the house. Today I am a little frightened to do so other than going for coffee and for therapy. Sometimes I found if just do it, it helps with my symptoms.

If you want to visit some of the new stuff on www.mentalhope.com, go to www.mentalhope.com/Omaha. That’s the community page being set up for Omaha and entrance the chat room. Each town will have there own chat and then maybe do a chat room for everyone. If you want a chat room for your group(ie. AA, Schizophrenia Support, etc.), let me know.

On another note, the rss feed is now working! For those of you who wonder what the heck it is, it is kinda of a news feed and in this case gives a list of topics from the blog. I will have a link in the future for some good rss feed software.

Also while I think about it, if you would like your blog on the community page in your town let me know. It doesn’t have to be a wordpress blog(wordpress good ) , but we do have to set up a community page for your town.

The sun is shinning and its time for more coffee. Got to run.

Keep it real, keep it true,

Rod

www.Mentalhope.com | rod@mentalhope.com | rss: http://rss.mentalhope.com

Mental Health and Our Actions: Responsibility or Accountability?

Mentalhope.com Hope and Recovery from Mental Illness.
“While I was (manic or psychotic), I did _______”. War stories. We hear these stories all the time. In the past few years that I have been in the mental health system, I have heard that blank filled with all most everything, good and bad. So if I am either responsible or accountable for my actions, what is the third option, because it’s not my fault, is it? The answer is clearly yes. We can say that a mania, psychosis, or voices made us do something, but at the end of the day it is “I” who performed the action.

Does that make it fair? No, it isn’t fair, but having mental illness isn’t fair to start with either .

 

Radical acceptance. It means accepting a situation for what it is and moving on. When I first starting really trying to use radical acceptance a few years ago, it was difficult at best. It meant anything that happened good and bad couldn’t be “painted”, covered up, or changed. It meant accepting a situation for what it is. It was an important growth step for me. In the past couple of years, it’s a vital component of my recovery.

 

How does radical acceptance apply? While some of the time we can make restitution for by giving money back or replacing a broken item, in many cases, feelings can never mend. So what can I do if I hurt someone else? How can I make things better? Well, sometimes you can’t make it better and that’s when a situation has to be “radically accepted” for what it is and move on.

 

So what steps should I take if I have done something wrong due to my mental illness?

 

• Admit it. I have seen so many excuses for those that have hurt others, mentally ill or not. Taking responsibility and saying “I screwed up” is the first step.

 

• Apologize. Saying “I’m sorry” goes along way and can speak volumes about someones character.

 

• Make things right. If that means a few less trips out for coffee because you were psychotic and you thought your magical shoes can allow you to dance on air and you end up breaking your parents mirror laying on the floor in the basement, you need to make restitution.

 

After you done all the above, you should respect yourself for accepting responsibility for your illness and the it’s time to move on.

 

I guess maybe that’s one of the reasons my recovery is so important to me. I know that everyone around me is affected by my illness, and it’s a higher responsibility we have than other illnesses to be well. Because at the end of the day, it’s all of my actions that count and it’s my choice to skip my meds, not go to therapy, or to ignore advice from my support system. It’s my responsibility, not their’s.

 

Keep it real, keep it true,

Rod

www.mentalhope.com | rod@mentalhope.com | rss: http://rss.mentalhope.com

 

Does My Cat Deserve a Blog? A Mental Health Issue

Mentalhope.com Hope and Recovery from Mental Illness.
Recently, we have a new addition to the Mentalhope family. His name is Winston(never to be used as a future password). I have been wanting a pet for years, but if I had only known what a joy that this fuzzy shedding animal brings, I would have done this a long time ago. I thought for introductions it might be a good idea for Winston to have his own blog today. So here it goes. For the first time in history, here’s the world’s first cat blog:

Human Mental Health and Me: A Cat’s Perspective

Hi, I’m Winston. I’m Rod’s cat. I find Rod is a well trained human. He shows affection, feeds me, and cleans my litter box on a regular basis. He has obivously under went rigious trainning or may have even been married before. Rod always introduces me to his female company, but then shows affection toward them and not me. I think I understand why, but this is a source for another blog.

Rod is eccentric. By that I mean he is a little different than other humans I had previously observed. He says he has schizoaffective disorder. After careful consideration of this human term, I have decided it obviously means ”cat entertainment”.  Rod paces a lot. I mean sometimes for hours. I watch him pace attentively until I go to sleep. I wonder if this makes me a co-dependent cat. Sometimes I will join him in pacing. I somestimes fall on my back in front of him, paws up, blocking his way. Rod stops, laughs, and smiles. He then usually stops pacing and joins me on the couch where he blogs, works on websites, checks email, and of course, shows me more affection.            

“He says he has schizoaffective disorder. After careful consideration of this human term, I have decided it obviously means “cat entertainment”. ”

Rod talks to me a lot. Rod talks to himself. Sometimes I really can’t tell which he is doing so I just pretend to pay attention as not to let him think I don’t care. I always raise my ears when a there is a noise in the apartment. He then knows the difference when he is hearing things and they are real. I like it when he scratches  under my chin and my back. He is a little obsessive with cat toys, buying me every toy known to catkind. I have noticed he doesn’t sleep a lot, but that sits fine with me at night because it gives me more play time with him and of course,  a chance to get more affection.

Well, I think this sums up my perspective on human mental health regarding Rod. I currently don’t have a degree in psychology so I still have a lot to learn about mental illness. He given me a email address if you will like to contact me. It is winston@mentalhope.com or keep in touch for my future blogs.

——————————->>end of cat blog<<————————————-

Well, there you have it.  The worlds first cat blog. For those of you that are cynics, I am not delusional, but just using a little humor for an expression of the best decisions I’ve made in a long time. Winston did help with this blog though. He provided me insight with his soothing, loving, and playful mannor to write this blog. PS: His email is real…. )

Keep it Real,

Rod

Keep it true,

Winston

www.mentalhope.com | rod@mentalhope.com | winston@mentalhope.com | rss: http://rss.mentalhope.com

What are Friends For?

Mentalhope.com Hope and Recovery from Mental Illness.

 

 ”I am there for you…… when the rain starts to fall…”—-That’s the theme from friends. I am reminded that when my other friends is showing symptoms of mental illness alot of rain can come down. I mean it’s a thunderstorm. Why are my friends so important? Is it because they give me support? I think that point of view is somewhat superficial and it goes much deeper than that.

Before my recovery a couple of years ago, I really didn’t have strong friendships. I was always paranoid. I kept any friendship at a distance because of a deep seeded fear of some conspiracy that I would be betrayed in some horrible and  unspeakable way. When I tried to commit suicide, a close friend saved my life. Wow. Someone without motivation or reward came to my aid. Why??? The answer was revealing. They cared about me. This brings me to a good point. So why did I get hurt so bad when I did on occassion put my trust in a relationship,  and not by others who I didn’t have strong friendships with and they cared about me? Then the answer hit me in the head like a 2×4. Trust models, hmmm……huh?

Trust what? Models of what? A guideline of how embrace positive relationships while distancing myself from those that are negative and can do me harm. And did this make a difference in my recovery? Uh, yeah, yeppers, yes!!!

I began to look at my previous friendships and create zones. The trusted zone is for those that are clear thinkers, those that support healthy choices, and the ones who advocate for me and my well being. Others that wish to be friends go into a distance zone. These types of relationships will remain casual.  Sometimes someone will increase to a trusted zone and sometimes they are moved to a casual zone.  Sometimes you just have to cut off all contact all together.

Have I made bad decisions on where I moved someone? Yes I have, and if you use this model, a time will come when you may too. I do find this is effective when setting up support systems and I have made some of the best friends I have ever had. Because when “the rain falls”, you want a true friend there.

Your friend,

Rod

www.mentalhope.com | rod@mentalhope.com | rss: http://rss.mentalhope.com

Valentine’s Day, Love lost, Hearts Won, People, Sex, and that Crazy little thing called Mental Illness

Mentalhope.com Hope and Recovery from Mental Illness.

Today is a celebration of love. Valentine’s day. The problem is this emotion called love is said to be by many professionals as close to mental illness as many people will ever get.  I for many reasons agree with this theory. Having suffered with mental illness for years and being in love a few times, I see some parallels in these behaviors.

For those of you who have no mental illness, have you ever ask yourself, “why did I do that for him/her”? I bet you have. For those of us in the world of mental illness, we would call this mania. It’s is a powerful force that makes us feel on top of the world. Hmmmm…. sounds like love to me so far. Why do we do things we regret when we’re in love? It’s because when we think with emotion, we decrease in logic proportionally. Which brings me to a good point. What happens when someone who doesn’t always use “good logic” because of mental illness falls in love? Well, I have had the joy of falling in love under almost every scenario. Mania, paranoia, depression(love is a temp cure), and last but not least, good ol’ psychosis. What I find is revealing. The relationship in many cases is more enjoyable when I am manic or psychotic. 

I mean think about it. When you are extreamly paranoid, you tend to look for distractions just to break from what ever your paranoid about. When your depressed, you want to do anything to bring you up. When your manic, you can often latch on to the lowest form of life on the face of this planet and think you’re on top of the world. And when your psychotic, well,  you could start a relationship with a bowl of spaghetti and plan a family of meatballs.

The relationships I have enjoyed the most were the ones where I was “undercover”(I mean hmm…. as in undercover agent). I fall in love easy. Always have. That brings me to my next point. Even though we have this thing called mental illness, that doesn’t absolve us from from the same ol’ boring dynamics of a “normal relationships”.  That means you have to endure all the joys of hearing boring stories, fighting, enduring weird hang ups, hanging out in social settings with people you don’t know, saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, and last but not least, sharing farts. The bowl of spaghetti looks better and better.

So I have to think love and mental illness go hand in hand. In the past, women have been in love with my illness(mania and psychotic behavior) and not with me. Why do say this you ask? Cause after I come down or become sane, they would avoid me like a bad case of anthrax. Now I must confess the reverse is true. I have been in manic or psychotic  for a while and then suddenly realized I have been enjoying a relationship with someone that would peg the crap-o-meter.  But the interesting part of this grim discovery is many of friends WITHOUT mental illness have been in love and experienced the same thing.

I guess part of love is acceptance, and what someone has to accept from me due to my mental illness is a little more than that of others. I guess that means they have to love me a lot. Aacceptance and love does have its’ boundaries. It’s being able to enjoy each others affection within those boundaries while you continue to grow and change defines love weather your mentally ill or not.

Happy Valentine’s Day,…… Phyllis

Rod

rod@mentalhope.com

www.mentalhope.com

rss: www.rss.mentalhope.com

Mental Illness: how I took care of me and beat the beast today!

Mentalhope.com Hope and Recovery from Mental Illness.

Today is a special day!

 

Nosce te ipsum. That’s Latin for know thyself. I am a bonafide geek. We know these things. As I have grown over the years, knowing me is paramount to my existence because to set realistic goals and learn to enjoy socializing(usually a chore), I have to know who I am. That for me is a major component in my recovery and when I stray away trying to be something I’m not, I lose my focus. I lose hope.

 

Today I ran a little over a mile and a half. Today I worked out. My friends who live here in Omaha think I am nuts for running in 30 degree weather. I was running sometimes a little over 13 miles a week just before my surgery last year. After the surgery, I was extremely depressed and have lingered in this darkness that falls on those that have lost their path due to the beast. I have felt this pain before over the years and it’s never fun. But today something changed. Biochemical they say, but today is a little different.

 

I am a reader. I read and study everything. Ask any of my friends. But today I reminded myself that out of all the medication insert leaflets I have ever read(always entertaining for the paranoid), I have never read about a medication taking away my ability to choose my path, take away my freedom, or steal my right to survive, to thrive. Out of all the books I ever read about mental illness, I missed the chapter on how I have no choice but to believe the voices, live in defeat, lost to wallow in a void.

 

Today I ran and worked out because it was what I needed to do in order to best take of me. The weather told me not to. My shrink and therapist would tell me I’m crazy. My friends, well to be honest, my friends are never surprised at anything I do. The voices said I can’t. I smoke. I’m not suppose to run. I’m on respriadol, cymbalta, valium. You just can’t do that. You know what? I did. Some would even relish in my failure. I just don’t care. I ran today because I wanted to and after I did, I remembered.

 

Today I ran, worked out, and I remembered what I am, who I am. Recognizing all my faults(easy when your depressed), I must recognize my strengths. Today I ran and worked out because that was the best medicine for me. Know thyself… I can overcome obstacles, pain, and voices. I will actively seek goals using my judgment as to what is best because at the end of the day, it’s not my psychiatrist, therapist, friends, enemies, that choose my path, it’s just me.

 

Today MY WILL was forged by fire of that of Iron and Steel. Today, my course is steady and straight. My will would not be bent and broken. I stand strong. Today is a victory. Today, I ROCKED! It won’t be in any history books and ever be spoken about. Who cares? On this day, I kicked my mental illness in the rear and this victory will never be taken away and this gives me strength for tomorrow.

 

Remember, WE STAND STRONG AS ONE.

 

Keep it Real, keep it True,

 

Rod

 

rod@mentalhope.com

www.mentalhope.com

 

PS: I would like to thank those of you who visit this site daily and weekly. Hopefully, after the next time the “googlebots” roam my website, it will be a little easier to find. It’s been screwed up for the past few weeks.